Keep your eye on the prize/Handling DrunkyPants

For those of you who haven't yet taken a bootcamp, The Don's got one in NYC in a few weeks that I'll be working. There may be a few spots left. Sign up fast!

I made a really silly mistake tonight, gentlemen, so I want to warn you and hopefully you will not get so cocky that you make silly mistakes as well.

I was out tonight meeting ladies and ended up opening up an awesome set. One dude, two girls. They were all super friendly. My target, DrunkyPants, was recently single and hilarious and hot, so of course I spent a good amount of time talking to her. The only problem was that she was steadily getting drunker and drunker.

DrunkyPants got so drunk that she started dancing around the bar, grinding against chairs and pulling men onto the dance floor. Luckily, I knew exactly what to do in this situation.

Drunk women love attention. Let me amend that: all women love attention, drunk women NEED attention. It becomes the singular purpose of their existence to get men to flirt, touch, and play with them, all the while being protected by their sober friends from doing anything they'd regret in the morning. Normally you'd just get your wings to distract the obstacles, then you could do whatever you want to the drunk girl. However, sometimes girls get SO drunk that your attention isn't nearly enough. They want to party and dance and throw their hands up in the air and go YEAH every time Kanye West comes on.

So how do you deal with this? Well, you have to be the guy in the bar who is special and not giving her what she wants. You have to ignore her, but you have to do it in a way that she notices you ignoring her. This is when it comes in handy to befriend the obstacles.

Here is a quick breakdown of the interaction:

I knew I was in trouble when she started talking to some guy for more than a minute. Usually dudes bail at this point, but she was drunk enough to seem like she was interested, so I went over and introduced myself to this potential suitor.

It is not necessary to fight the guy. Just prove that you are cooler than him, then walk away. How do you prove that you are cooler than some guy? Simple. Attraction switches, sexual framing, and owning the interaction.

BB: How do you know DrunkyPants?
Guy: I just met her.
BB: You're perfect for her. I should know. We used to date. Well, we used to do it, but she got too attached.
DP (DrunkyPants, not donkey punch): WHATEVER! I broke up with YOU!
(She's playing along. An IOI)
BB: Also, she couldn't handle me.
DP: I want to DANCE!
(subtext: Pay attention to me!)
BB: Go dance.
(subtext: No.)
DP: (confused) Come dance with me.
BB: I'm afraid you'll rape me on the dance floor.
DP: But...
BB: (to guy) You guys should dance.
Guy: (to DP) Do you want to dance?
(BB walks away to talk to the target's friends)

End the interaction on your terms and maintain dominance over the set. Always.

DrunkyPants goes to dance with said gentleman, and many others, all the while looking back at Big Business to see how jealous he is getting, but finding instead that he is having a great time talking to HER friends. THEY are laughing. THEY are having a great time. DrunkyPants thinks to herself, "Why is Big Business spending time talking to my friend who isn't as hot as me? I want to be laughing and having a great time too!"

DP (jumping onto BB's lap): What're you doing?
BB: Having an awesome conversation with your friend here until you interrupted.
DP: I'm sorry I got so drunk.
Obstacle: Don't be sorry. You had a tough week.
DP: I DID!
BB: (to obstacle) I like your jewelry.
DP: (to BB) You're HOT!

Whoop. There it is.

BB: (to obstacle) Your friend here keeps on saying such nice things to me. "You've got great eyes. You're really funny" I'm starting to think she likes me.
Obstacle: You might be right.
DP: (to BB) I bet I can get you off in less than five minutes.
BB: Tell you what? Let's go into the bathroom and your friend here can time you.
DP: YAY! Lets do it!

Totally on. No question. Sexual framing is on autopilot. Drunk physical escalation is the easiest there is. I have to stop her from giving me a hickey at one point...

...but here is where the retardedness happened. I was having so much fun with push/pull and getting this girl to say awesome shit to me that I actually forgot something very, very important.

Here is the end of the interaction:

DP: This is what I would do to your asshole if you want. (does hand motion)
BB: (to obstacle) I think you need to get your friend home before she takes her clothes off or something.
DP: Give me your number and I'll put it in my cleavage!
BB: I think we might be too late. It was nice to meet you all.
DP: Promise to call me?
BB: I promise. Just don't fall down on your way out of here.

I put them all in a cab, then reached for my phone to send the first text. It was going to be perfect. "I'm going to call you tomorrow like I promised. Try not to vomit on your friends." Then the realization hit...

I FORGOT TO GET HER NUMBER! WHAT?! FUCK! It was so on that I figured the number had just magically flown into my phone. IDIOT!

Yes, there will be other hotter sets. But...christ...that would have been an easy close.

Apparently, Big Business needs to go back to business school, bitches.