Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dealing with Approach Anxiety

The causes for approach anxiety are numerous. Some simply fear rejection because they have never approached before, while others are dealing with psychological issues which create enormous feelings of social pressure for no reasons. There is a different solution for each person, though for most, simply diving in will work wonders. I believe that psychologists refer to this as "exposure therapy."

There may be some truth to the fact that I overcame my approach anxiety through exposure. I was a pretty awkward kid for most of my life, then I got a job as a salesman right out of college, which forced me to approach strangers and learn how to get their attention/attraction. It was a crash course in human social interaction. Failure was not an option as I was poorer than shit, so I was driven to get as good as I could as quickly as possible.

I had other issues which kept me from getting laid after that (which my Love Systems seminar solved thankfully), but I found a lot of the things I learned at sales were kicking in automatically when I opened sets in bars.

Now, a lot of you have jobs that keep you pretty busy, so I'm not expecting you to go out and become salesmen or waiters or whatever. There are things you can do with your free time, however, that can accomplish almost the same thing.

First, you can just approach sets. Nothing will get you good quicker in this game than just going out and talking to people. For most of you, this experience is almost all you need. However, for those that can't get over the intial awkwardness, I have another solution.

Fliering. Fliering is a job which entails handing strangers fliers on the street corner to promote shows, sales, strip clubs, etc. Let's say you work 40 hours a week want to do something to practice approaching. I say, try to find a job fliering over the weekend. Look in the paper, make some calls, then get out on the street talking to strangers. Make eye contact with people and try to get them to actually stop and talk to you. Try to actually CONVINCE them to take your flier, instead of just blinding pushing it into people's hands.

If you don't want to take some random fliering job, try to get work with a non-profit talking to people on the street for donations. Green peace,, save the whales, barak can be something you actually want to support. All of these jobs mentioned have weekend hours available for those who want to keep their normal jobs but still get a little better chatting up strangers.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A quick tip...

I am an incredible liar. I have a lot of experience with making shit up on the fly. I enjoy it and I do it a lot, though never with anything serious, and if I adequately dupe someone to thinking that what I have said is true I usually let them know the truth immediately after I'm done having fun.

I do not advocate lying to women. I think that you should try to be honest in all of your relationships, not just because it is the right thing to do morally, but it will just make your life easier in general. Mark Twain said "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." Enough said.

However, you may, at some point in your misadventures, find occasion to make up a little something something in order to avoid awkwardnesses or get out of a fight. For example:

"How do you all know each other?"

Sometimes a person pays to take a seminar on picking up women with other guys that he doesn't know, then a girl asks why all these dudes are out together. The honest answer in this situation would be detrimental to the cause.

For this situations (and others like it), let me give you a small tool that you can use to make lying easier. It is something I do often and it works...VERY well.

Here is the structure. Question--->Big lie--->Little lie. You get asked a question that you cannot answer honestly for some reason. You tell a big lie that is obviously a falsehood, then you tell them a much more believable little lie.

Here's that example again.

"How do you guys all know each other?"
"We're here for the male stripper convention. I won an award for being the sluttiest male stripper of them all. Just kidding. We're here for a bachelor party."

The lie builds attraction by showing that you have social intuition and humor, but also buys you time to think of something more believable.

Here is another example...

"Why are you talking to my girlfriend?"
"I'm not from this planet and do not understand your customs. No, I was just starting a random conversation because my friends are talking about business and are boring me."


Thursday, June 19, 2008

Super Money Street Pickup

A friend of mine was promoting a movie he had made. It was a short film that was being screened at a small theater in NYC. He asked me to be a part of his street team, which would wrangle randoms to go see the thing. I instantly regretted agreeing to do it. When you try to hand people a flier, even for something free, they don't just ignore you; they actively hate on you.

After about an hour of debasing myself, a 9 started walking toward me. Let's call her TheDoctor. I told my flier-ing partner to fuck off for a moment, then approached.

BB: Hey. You want to check out a free movie?
DR: No thanks. I've got to head home.
BB: You didn't even let me tell you what it was about!
(DR smiles and turns around)
DR: Okay. What's it about?
BB: It's about a really handsome guy who tries to stop girls on the street for totally fake reasons. (DR laughs) Kidding. That was made up. The movie rocks, though. It's my friend's. He's a fucking genius and a rock star. You should see it for free now so that you don't have to pay $12 to see it after it wins an Oscar.
DR: Oh, is it going to win an Oscar?
BB: It's going to win a few Oscars. Good ones, too. Not just "Sound Editing" or anything stupid.
(DR laughs)
DR: Well, that sounds great, but I need to get home.
BB: And do what? Watch "Gilmore Girls" and cry yourself to sleep? What's your name?
DR: TheDoctor.
BB: Nice to meet you. I'm Big Business. Seriously, what's so important that you need to get home? Big date tonight?
DR: No. I just...I can't go. I'm by myself.
(BB throws rest of fliers in the trash)
BB: No, you're not. You're with Big Business. I'll take you.
(DR smiles and starts to shake her head)
BB: If you want, you can tell people that I am your boyfriend. That will make you look cooler.
(DR laughs, looks at her feet, then back up at Big Business)
DR: It's free?

Whoop. There it is.

BB: A free movie, and you get to hang out with me. You are making out like a fucking bandit!

I walked her over to the theater and watched the movie with her. After the screening there was a little reception, where I introduced TheDoctor as my girlfriend of six years. Easy to touch when you have this role play going on. Any hand holding, hugging or massaging can be played off as "trying to make the fake relationship seem real."

BB: I don't want to be doing this, but you want people to think we're together, right? Fuck, I think they're onto us. We should make out for awhile until they believe us again. I'm not going to enjoy this.

At the end of the reception:

BB: Seriously, thanks for coming. I really wanted my friend to have a big audience. I think it's a great movie.
DR: It was.
BB: Let me buy you a drink to thank you.
DR: Okay!

Bounce to a nearby bar. Bounce back to her place. Good times.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

SNL types

I have just recently heard some incredible bullshit coming from an ex-student who is working on SNL's. He has been occasionally emailing me for advice, and just recently he asked me for help on finding the "kind of women" who are SNL potential. In his last email he mentioned going home because "none of the women in the bar seemed like the type."

What a shit excuse!

I know some guys (none of you, I'm sure) who think they can look around the bar and tell which girls will have sex the same night and which one's won't. They know the trashy, one-night-stand girls from their heavy makeup, their tight clothes, their fishnets, short skirts and 4-inch heels.

"Obviously, these girls, who are trying so hard to get noticed by guys, are the ones who are going to try and have sex tonight. I'll hit on them!"

Maybe they are SNL women and maybe they aren't. Now, I'm not saying guys shouldn't hit on these women. I'm sure these women are lovely people who have hopes and dreams just like the rest of us, and that by flirting with them some guys are going to have a great time, work on their skill set, or end up having sex/a meaningful relationship.

But those are not the only SNL women.

Women who will have sex the night you meet them (sometimes the hour that you meet them) come in every shape and size. Preppy, hip, demure, classy, punk...the stripper, the secretary, the school teacher, the bartender, the accountant, the doctor...all of these are potential SNL material. Let me rephrase: all WOMEN are potential SNL material.

To hammer in the point I just made, you shoud know that I have never had sex with the cliche SNL girl with the tight clothes, fishnet stockings, huge heels and heavy makeup. Hold on...double checking...okay, once I had sex with the kind of woman described above, but it was on a third or fourth date. Conversely, some of the women that I have had SNL's with were...a premed student, a research assistant, a school teacher just graduating from college, and my favorite, a 20 year old virgin. just don't know.