Dealing with Approach Anxiety

The causes for approach anxiety are numerous. Some simply fear rejection because they have never approached before, while others are dealing with psychological issues which create enormous feelings of social pressure for no reasons. There is a different solution for each person, though for most, simply diving in will work wonders. I believe that psychologists refer to this as "exposure therapy."

There may be some truth to the fact that I overcame my approach anxiety through exposure. I was a pretty awkward kid for most of my life, then I got a job as a salesman right out of college, which forced me to approach strangers and learn how to get their attention/attraction. It was a crash course in human social interaction. Failure was not an option as I was poorer than shit, so I was driven to get as good as I could as quickly as possible.

I had other issues which kept me from getting laid after that (which my Love Systems seminar solved thankfully), but I found a lot of the things I learned at sales were kicking in automatically when I opened sets in bars.

Now, a lot of you have jobs that keep you pretty busy, so I'm not expecting you to go out and become salesmen or waiters or whatever. There are things you can do with your free time, however, that can accomplish almost the same thing.

First, you can just approach sets. Nothing will get you good quicker in this game than just going out and talking to people. For most of you, this experience is almost all you need. However, for those that can't get over the intial awkwardness, I have another solution.

Fliering. Fliering is a job which entails handing strangers fliers on the street corner to promote shows, sales, strip clubs, etc. Let's say you work 40 hours a week want to do something to practice approaching. I say, try to find a job fliering over the weekend. Look in the paper, make some calls, then get out on the street talking to strangers. Make eye contact with people and try to get them to actually stop and talk to you. Try to actually CONVINCE them to take your flier, instead of just blinding pushing it into people's hands.

If you don't want to take some random fliering job, try to get work with a non-profit talking to people on the street for donations. Green peace, children.org, save the whales, barak obama...it can be something you actually want to support. All of these jobs mentioned have weekend hours available for those who want to keep their normal jobs but still get a little better chatting up strangers.