Super Money Street Pickup

A friend of mine was promoting a movie he had made. It was a short film that was being screened at a small theater in NYC. He asked me to be a part of his street team, which would wrangle randoms to go see the thing. I instantly regretted agreeing to do it. When you try to hand people a flier, even for something free, they don't just ignore you; they actively hate on you.

After about an hour of debasing myself, a 9 started walking toward me. Let's call her TheDoctor. I told my flier-ing partner to fuck off for a moment, then approached.

BB: Hey. You want to check out a free movie?
DR: No thanks. I've got to head home.
BB: You didn't even let me tell you what it was about!
(DR smiles and turns around)
DR: Okay. What's it about?
BB: It's about a really handsome guy who tries to stop girls on the street for totally fake reasons. (DR laughs) Kidding. That was made up. The movie rocks, though. It's my friend's. He's a fucking genius and a rock star. You should see it for free now so that you don't have to pay $12 to see it after it wins an Oscar.
DR: Oh, is it going to win an Oscar?
BB: It's going to win a few Oscars. Good ones, too. Not just "Sound Editing" or anything stupid.
(DR laughs)
DR: Well, that sounds great, but I need to get home.
BB: And do what? Watch "Gilmore Girls" and cry yourself to sleep? What's your name?
DR: TheDoctor.
BB: Nice to meet you. I'm Big Business. Seriously, what's so important that you need to get home? Big date tonight?
DR: No. I just...I can't go. I'm by myself.
(BB throws rest of fliers in the trash)
BB: No, you're not. You're with Big Business. I'll take you.
(DR smiles and starts to shake her head)
BB: If you want, you can tell people that I am your boyfriend. That will make you look cooler.
(DR laughs, looks at her feet, then back up at Big Business)
DR: It's free?

Whoop. There it is.

BB: A free movie, and you get to hang out with me. You are making out like a fucking bandit!

I walked her over to the theater and watched the movie with her. After the screening there was a little reception, where I introduced TheDoctor as my girlfriend of six years. Easy to touch when you have this role play going on. Any hand holding, hugging or massaging can be played off as "trying to make the fake relationship seem real."

BB: I don't want to be doing this, but you want people to think we're together, right? Fuck, I think they're onto us. We should make out for awhile until they believe us again. I'm not going to enjoy this.

At the end of the reception:

BB: Seriously, thanks for coming. I really wanted my friend to have a big audience. I think it's a great movie.
DR: It was.
BB: Let me buy you a drink to thank you.
DR: Okay!

Bounce to a nearby bar. Bounce back to her place. Good times.